Happy New Year!

It seems ages since I have 'blogged'! I was very, very busy before Christmas, and then was too busy relaxing after Christmas. It all went very well, I prepared the usual 'feast', on Christmas Day, which was really lovely, my Mum and Dad came over and we had a lovely day. Then Boxing Day we went over to my brother's house, and he produced a wonderful Moroccan style meal which made a real change. Then it was just family time (both my children were home, which was lovely) I managed to get out for a walk most days, and didn't overeat at all really, as I have got to really dislike that overstuffed feeling. We have had chocolate, cream, puddings, cheese, wine, and all sorts of Christmas stuff in the house most of which is still sitting there! Next year I am going to be much more careful about what I buy, because a lot of it has been thrown out already or will be soon!

As far as New Year Resolutions are concerned, I am going to continue exploring my relationship with food , and I'm hoping to make exercise more a part of my weekly routine.

Dad's Birthday Lunch.

Today was my Dad's birthday lunch for his 86th birthday. My Mum is a great cook, and I usually come back from her house feeling like an overstuffed cushion! I really didn't want to feel like that, so I'll tell you how it all went.

I had a very small bowl of cereal at about 8.30 am which I didn't finish, as I had had enough.

So I was very hungry by the time I got over to Mum and Dad's at 1.30 having picked up my daughter and gone to the garden centre for some flowers.

We gave Dad his presents, said hello to everyone, and had some wine (I was driving, so only one glass for me!). Mum had put out a starter of smoked salmon, prawns and gravadlax for everyone to help themselves. This was good, as I could help myself to just a little bit, as I was starving by now!

Then came the main course, roast pork, potatoes, yorkshire pudding, vegetables, gravy. Again all the dishes were on the table, so I could just take what I wanted. I also made sure that I ate slowly, put my fork and knife down, and had a drink between mouthfuls. I was very concious of how full I was getting, and stopped when I had had enough. Mum had done lots of puddings, but I just had a little bit of profiterole, which I really enjoyed.

After that, chocolates and a birthday cake were produced, neither of which I was tempted to eat as by now I was as full as was comfortable.

I asked Mum if I could take a peice of cake home, and am sitting here at nine o'clock in the evening still feeling comfortably full!

Quite a succesful day, in all, and a good 'trial run', for Christmas!

Normal?!

I think I might be normal at last. Well a normal eater at least. (!) I'm not obsessing about food, I'm not binging, eating in the car, panicking, or obsessing.

I have gone through the stages of eating chocolate, cheese, cakes, ice cream, etc, and now tend to eat a fairly healthy selection of foods in normal portion sizes.

I don't wait for my husband to go out, or to bed, and then do wild snacking, and I don't raid the charity food box in the staffroom for chocolate coated brazils, and make myself sick on them in the car on the way home.

And I'm not worried about food at Christmas either!

Is this what being a normal eater is like?

The Common Cold.

How this ailment can be known as 'common' beats me! I have been feeling uncommonly ill over the last week really, finally given in to it today and stayed off work. I have a really stuffed up head and nose, can't breathe, and am constantly sneezing. The guilt that goes with taking time off work when a teacher is phenomenal. Everyone drags themselves in even when they should be at home, and thus the cold germs constantly circulate. But no-one says 'Oh I can see you are really ill, but thanks for the effort.' So today I decided after another sleepless night, that I had had enough, and that i would stay at home and take care of myself a bit. (Being my own guru, if you like!) Surprisingly, I have kept to only eating when I am hungry. I'ts surprising because formally, illness would have been a good excuse for a binge. But as I don't really do that anymore, i have had a fairly 'normal' days eating. In fact I haven't eaten a lot, not really that hungry.

Oh, and I have lost more weight! About half a stone now.

Coming Together

I still feel as if things are really coming together. I have solved my 'breakfast dillemma'' too. It sounds pathetic, but I was having a real struggle about what to do about breakfast during the week. It takes me about 2 hours to work up to feeling hungry enough to eat breakfast, crazy I know, but I have a real disinclination to eat unless I really am hungry now. So I wasn't eating it and then feeling faint and hungry by the time the children came in at 9am. So now I am eating at around 8.30 in the staffroom, having cereal or yoghurt and muesli, and this keeps me going brilliantly until lunchtime; about 12.45 for me, by the time I have prepped my afternoon lessons. I can't really understand why it has taken me this long to work out a system!

I am still having problems with asking for what I want at times. If my o/h is preparing dinner I find it so hard to say; noI don't want such and such, I would rather have ......
But I'm aware of this, and I'm working on it!

Could it possibly be....???

That this is working?

I think I have lost a few pounds, and my clothes are definitely getting looser again. I went out for a meal on Saturday and could hardly eat half of my portion, I just physically could not eat past the point of satisfaction.

So I'm wondering if this is beginning to work at long last?

Small Successes.

I feel that things are going quite well at the moment.

I am managing to eat quite intuitively nearly all of the time, it is becoming second nature to me now, and it's not painful or a nuisance. For instance last week I had Open Evening at school which is usually a pain eating wise, as I am working way past the time when I would usually eat. We usually have a little buffet prepared for us by support staff during the evening, but it's all 'cold party food' eg; quiches, sausage rolls, pitta bread, cakes etc (all very unappetising). It's hard to resist even if you don't really like that sort of food (like me) as you get very hungry, but only have a 5 minute break to get something to eat. Last year I realised that I didn't really like this food (hadn't really thought about it before to be honest) but was eating it to keep me going. So this year I decided to use coffee to keep me going, and buy something at the little M&S near my house on the way home that I really wanted to eat. I bought a steak and onion baguette (quick to prepare in the microwave) and it was really delicious! Then I went to bed, as I was so tired. Previously I would have kept on eating, not realising that what I really needed to do was go to bed.

It's small successes like this that I am finding so encouraging at the moment!