I'm still having an up and down time with IE. Which means that some days I seem to be able to keep to most of the principles, but on other days my inner rebel is out there. Also I have been pretty unkind to myself a lot of the time.

Of course I have a lot more time on my hands 'cos it is the school holidays, You'd think I would be really happy which I am some of the time, but at others i feel out of my routine, and I miss my school friends. i do get a bit down sometimes in the holidays which seems so strange as I really look forward to them! Teaching is a funny job. It is exhausting and so high pressured for most of the time, and then when the holidays come its a bit like someone who has had a limb amputated.

I think I have got into a better routine with eating today, and I'm going to try to stick with it. I'm going out to meet some friends from work for a collegue's birthday which I am now looking forward to, as I'm feeling a bit more up, and have stopped attacking myself. I managed to do this by making a mental list of all the good things about myself, and it really helped.

A Fresh Start.

Since I last blogged, things have settled down a bit for me. It's 2 weeks since I started the HRT, and things are improving slowly.
I have also started exercising again, now that I am feeling a bit better (I was feeling quite ill with the menopause symptoms; the doctor said the way I was feeling was all down to that)
We have also made some decisions about my daughter's future, she is going to live nearer to us when she gets her own place, which has allayed my worries about her quite a bit.

I am trying to revisit all of the principles, focusing on; 'eat when you are hungry', 'stop when satisfied', and 'move your body'.

Mind you; the first one rebounded badly on me at the weekend, I was going shopping to Lakeside ( Q; What's an Essex girls favourite w(h)ine? A; 'I want to go to Lakeside!' ) and had only eaten a banana. Unfortunately I got stuck on the M25 for 4 hours! when it was shut after a series of accidents. Boy, was I starving and bad tempered by the time I got there! I certainly learned from that what feeling hungry feels like! (something I have struggled with in the past)
I think I learned that it is not such a good idea to get so hungry, as you tend to eat past satisfaction. But I also learned that being that hungry won't kill me either!

I am looking forward to the holidays now; 6 weeks off, now I remember why I went into teaching!

Thanks everyone.

Just a short note to all of you who sent me good wishes. Thanks I am feeling a lot better. I have discussed my daughter's situation with my o/h and we both feel the same way, so that is good.

Also I have started HRT, so I'm hoping to feel physically better quite soon.

I'm getting back on track with my eating too.

Sometimes I find it hard to ask others for support, but as one of you said, it's better to do so.

Thanks again.

A Rotten Time.

I havn't been feeling very happy for the last few days, in fact I've had a minor depressive attack. I put on this great front to the world, but inside I'm dying...

I've been really worried about my daughter's future living arrangements. Not to go into too many details, but she has quite a severe learning disability, but we have done everything we can to encourage her to be able to live as independently as possible. Some hopes we (and she) had for the future are looking very dubious now, and it is a real worry. Plus I have been told that I must move year groups at work next year, and leave my darling infant children and department friends. I'm 'going up to the juniors'! I dont want to! So this has peed me off majorly too.

Plus (as if all this wasn't enough!) I am getting some menopausal symptoms which are really unpleasant, and its affecting my ability to sleep.

I was also on my own a lot this weeken as my o/h was working. And the weather is horrible!

So I have been feeling really low. I discovered that when I really feel bad like this that I have no coping strategies, nothing to turn to but my friend food! So I allowed myself to eat when I wasn't hungry, because I really couldn't think of any other way to comfort myself, and the feelings of pain were unbearable.

Not that the food takes the pain away of course, but it does dull it for a while.

So at least I am recognising what i am doing, even if I felt powerless to do anything else to comfort myself.

I'm a bit better today, I've been to work, and it's amazing how much better I feel as soon as I am around people.