Back to the grind!

I have had such a peaceful week. We were staying on a little island in the Argyll region of Scotland called Seil. It was such a peaceful, quiet place, just the 2 of us.
We went walking, and did a bit of sightseeing. The weather was fine, dry and bright mostly. I had a good week, eating wise, having taken Geneen Roth with me, I think it helped me to focus on a few things, I just read a bit before I went to bed each night, and it really helped. I lost it a bit at the weekend, we were staying in a big hotel in Edinburgh for a family weekend for the charity I'm involved with, and I found it harder to stay focused. But I didn't do too badly, and I'm not beating myself up over it. I've found that drinking alchohol also doesn't help, and these wekends can get quite boozy! Still it's a nice way to relax with friends, and we have a real laugh.

2 things I really enjoyed eating at the weekend; porridge, and Cullen Skink!

Slainte Mhor!

I won't be posting for a while, as I am off to Scotland for a little while. Hoping for lots of fresh air and walks. I even have my own walking poles!

Going to steer clear of the haggis though!

'Moving' ... at last!

Yuerck, Had to get rid of that terrible 'Dream' post. Sorry about that!

I have been moving a bit more recently. My o/h and I have been making use of the fact that we are about half a mile away from some beautiful country parks. We have been out the last two weekends and have walked for 2-3 hours.

This is to prepare for a week in Scotland where we hope to do lots more.

http://www.essexinfo.net/southwealdpc/

Dreams

I am one of those people who have very vivid dreams, disturbingly so at times. A dream I had last week has been really bothering me and I'm still wondering what was behind it. In my dream I had been involved in a terrible accident, or had had a very serious illness, and another woman that I did not know had had the same thing. The gist of the dream is this: This woman and I had had surgery and our faces had been transplanted on to each other. She had my face, and I had hers. The most disturbing part of the dream was when I looked in the mirror, and saw that the face looking back at me was not mine. Also our teeth had been exchanged, and my lovely straight teeth had been swapped for terrible crooked ones! I was so upset (in my dream) as I am really proud of my teeth!
I have several thoughts about it. Maybe I have been watching too many episodes of '10 years younger'! I know my appearance does mean an awful lot to me, and obviously I am aware of the ageing process. Also I am really vain about my teeth, I know I am really lucky to have such good even teeth, and I'm always flossing etc, to look after them! But I have been trying recently to be less concerned about the size and shape of my body, and just to eat healthily and enjoy life.
I am certainly less hung up over it than I used to be!

Goodness knows why I am writing all this, and what the heck it has to do with IE I do not know, (!) but maybe writing it all down like this will get it out of my system!

It's nearly a year since I started Beyond Chocolate, since I attended the workshop that is. It was really a turning point for me, and has given me an entirely new focus, as far as eating is concerned. I don't ever worry about dieting now, obviously my body weight and size is still a concern and I would like to be smaller.
But I have learned over the years, that dieting is not going to ever 'fix' this for me, and so that part of my life is finished. A lot of the 'disordered' eating that I did has also stopped, and this is greatly heartening for me. I used to be so distressed about the fact that I couldn't control myself in certain situations, and really hated myself for what I saw was my 'lack of control'. Of course what I now know is that I had extraordinary control over my food intake for quite lengthy periods of time, and that the 'disordered' phases of my eating were due to this strict regime that I took up at others. Funnily enough, now that I have 'legalised' a lot of my so called 'forbidden foods' I don't actually want them at all! In fact now I am not on a diet, I eat far less sweet stuff, and rubbish than I did when I was dieting. The chocolate bars (Swiss milk chocolate is my favourite at the moment) just sit in the cupboard for weeks on end, and I bought some Madeleines when I did my on-line shop (they looked so tempting) but I have eaten a couple of them, and really they are pretty tasteless and bland. So they will probably end up in the bin! I eat a lot of fruit) as per my last entry, and love salads, fish, white meat and veg.
Even my alcohol intake has gone down, as it sometimes makes me feel a bit grotty in the mornings, I found myself pouring my wineglass full into my husbands glass tonight, as I decided I didn't really fancy it after all.

The one area which I still feel I need to work on is the 'Move' principal. I just can't get motivated now I have started teaching in a new department at school. The hours are even longer, and I can't seem to find the time or energy.