This post is rubbish!

I'm skipping off from writing reports for a couple of minutes. Hah! Have done 7, and have another 23 to go!

Had a lovely weekend away near Winchester with my SO. I love that; SO; it stands for 'significant other', fantastic phrase. It was a very rainy weekend, but we had a look around Portsmouth (HMS Victory), it was great to actually see where Nelson fell. (That's enough teacher talk!)
We had a swim as well which was nice, as the water was lovely and warm. I have been walking too (a bit but I hate the rain!)
As far as eating went, I relaxed into it and ate when I wanted to, and although I didn't always stop when I was satisfied,(the food was too nice!) I was aware of that.
I had the feeling when I got back that I often had when I was dieting, a feeling that I had overeaten (although I didn't that much) and should be doing some sort of diet. It's only just occoured to me that I might be subconciously attacking myself for not dieting!

So I'm going to take it easy on myself this week, but also I'm re-reading some of the BC book.
Also I have a couple of shopping trips lined up with my son and daughter; so the old credit card will be taking a bashing. (Always good, a bit of retail therapy)

Migraine

I have been really ill with a migraine this week. I was ill for 3 days, that bad that I had to stay off work, which is very unusual for me. I have had migraines for a number of years after I had a car accident, and the medication I take usually prevents them, but not this time. This made it hard for me to eat intuitively, because all I could think about was the pain.

Eating often eases the pain, although only for a short amount of time. I realised that eating when I was not hungry was a way of medicating myself, when actual 'medication' was not working. So I decided to eat to numb the pain, and to blank out what was happening and it worked!

The next day I felt a bit better, and the day after I was more or less recovered. I have found it quite easy to go back to my normal eating (when I am hungry) and it really hasn't been difficult at all. I think this is because I was so much more aware of what was really going on than I have ever been before. And I wasn't attacking myself, as I would have done before BC.

O/h and I are going away for the weekend, which will be nice! And then it's half term ;) but I have to start report writing ;( !!!!!!

Itchy.

Oooh, I have been having a really funny week. I'm not really sure what has been going on, so I'm just going to write and see what I say.
I have had this queer 'itchy', 'longing', 'wanting', feeling all week. I have been feeling a bit low, and it's been bugging me that I haven't heard anything about the job I applied for. Also I haven't been sleeping too well, and as a result I feel really tired. I also know that the weather hasn't helped, this kind of rainy overcast weather always gets to me. The 'wanting' is a feeling I recognise, it's something I have felt periodically the whole of my life I think. BBC (Before Beyond Chocolate) I always ate to dull it (but it always comes back!). So the temptation to eat to get rid of the feeling has been strong. But I have decided not to do this, I have eaten when I felt hungry, and have pretty much stopped when I was satisfied. I decided to see how it would feel just to 'feel the feeling', and try and analyse what it was. That was pretty ok actually, it wasn't too bad just going with the feeling, and its actually gone away pretty much, exept for after meals.
So I have discovered that I can feel my feelings, even bad ones, and its ok!

This is the stage I get to with most diets, and when I would normally kick over the traces, and say; Oh sod it! But this time I have enough insight to just be able to work out what is going on (I think!)
I hope this entry isn't too rambling!
I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter E at the weekend, she always makes me stop thinking about myself!

Stuff I don't eat any more.

I was thinking today about all the foods I used to eat BBC (Before Beyond Chocolate) and thought I would make a list;

• Weightwatchers meals (yuck!)
• Low fat yoghurts (Much prefer Greek Yoghurt!)
• Boots 'Shapers' bars
• Special K ( I very rarely eat breakfast now, as I am never usually hungry first thing)
• Cadburys Dairy Milk (just don't like the taste)
• Galaxy (ditto)
• Skips, Doritos, any 'low fat' crisps (Much prefer Kettle chips!)
• Sugar free jelly
• Nimble or other 'diety' bread (Give me walnut bread or Ciabatta!)
• Weightwatchers or other 'diet'cakes (don't eat a lot of cake now, I'm rarely hungry enough to eat any sort of dessert)

The principle 'Enjoy', means I only eat the foods that I really, really want to now. Before I didn't even think if I really liked something that much, I ate it because it was low calorie, or some diet book told me to! I also spend a lot less time agonising over food choices now, which has given me a great deal of peace of mind.

Funnily enough, I don't eat loads of crisps,chocolate, cake or ice cream; all the foods I used to binge on. Having given myself permission to eat them if I want to, I find that I'm not that bothered!

Not A Lot To Say....!

I have been a bit preoccupied this week, and probably a little unfocused. I am applying for a new job (shhh! don't tell anyone!) which will be a big change for me, and it is in a different educational setting to what I am used to. I have been giving it a great deal of thought, and so my attention has not really been on my eating. Plus I have been very busy, and haven't had time to do any exercise.

All this sounds like a whole load of excuses to me, (and may to you too if you are reading this) but hey, as they say, Sh!t happens!!!! And the point is, that this is LIFE not a diet!

On the plus side, I went to the BC tea party which was fun, it was lovely to put some real faces to the names I read about on the BC forum and other blogs. Can't say I thought much of the actual 'tea', but it's hard to cater for those numbers. I also joined in with the chocolate tasting, which confirmed my suspicion that cheap chocolate is Not Worth Eating!!! Give me the good quality stuff every time, I really can't be doing with Cadburys Dairy Milk, Galaxy et al.

And I bought some fab new size 14 trousers from Next today!! Yay!

Telford Hangover!

I have had a bit of a boozy weekend, I spent it at a hotel in Telford (!) Was helping out at a CdLS (see link on the right) weekend, and it's a good social occasion with some very good friends too. I was pleased with the way I dealt with breakfast, usually at hotels the breakfast buffet is a real temptation, and then I end up chomping through piles of toast and butter! Well this time I just ate very sparingly at breakfast, (just enough to keep the hangover at bay!) I didn't exactly eat intuitively the rest of the time, it's hard when you are chatting over lunch or dinner to focus very closely, but I think I managed to notice my 'satisfied signal', and I didn't overeat. I realised last week that I had lost more weight, it's about 11 pounds now since last October when it all started. I was over the moon about it, because it is the first significant weight loss I have ever had without dieting. And I don't have the feeling that I sometimes did on a diet that I wouldn't be able to sustain it.

So I now want to focus on keeping up my walking, which I know is helping a lot, I didn't have any time last week as I had a lot of work to do at school.